so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
