I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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