you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
