even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
