please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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