He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
