Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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