my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
