So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't turn off my feet"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
