Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
