your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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