I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like his penis was on wheels.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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