Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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