There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
