Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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