its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
