belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
