I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
