Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
soo... how was my night?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
