I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
