Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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