coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
