Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
