Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
