He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Houston, we have a blender
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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