Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize