Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
