drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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