Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize