Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
