Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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