I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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