hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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