So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
