Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
