I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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