How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
