At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
