So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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