After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
