He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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