thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
