its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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