You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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