You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize