I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
