did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
