you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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