eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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