I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
