Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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