Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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