So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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