it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
