We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
