Having a random hookup so left but love u
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
