I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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