I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.