you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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