When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
